Random quotes

Random quotes
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salon	Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself-Mark Twain
salon	It is at our mother's knee that we acquire our noblest and truest and highest ideals, but there is seldom any money in them.-Mark Twain
salon	The man who does not read good books has -no advantage over the man who cannot read them." -Mark Twain
salon	There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty." - John Adams [1772]
salon	We are turning into a nation of whimpering slaves to Fear—fear of war, fear of poverty, fear of random terrorism, fear of getting down-sized or fired because of the plunging economy, fear of getting evicted for bad debts or suddenly getting locked up in a military detention camp on vague charges of being a Terrorist sympathizer-Hunter S Thompson
humanbeing	The key to change...is to let go of fear. Roseanne Cash
salon	Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.-Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!"Benjamin Franklin
Lifer	"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American ... There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag ... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and this is a loyalty to the American People." Theodore Roosevelt, 1907
salon	The financial crisis in America is really a moral crisis, caused by the series of proofs which the American public has received that the leading financiers who control banks, trust companies and industrial corporations are often imprudent, and not seldom dishonest. They have mismanaged trust funds and used them freely for speculative purposes. Hence the alarm of depositors, and a general collapse of credit.-The Economist 1908
salon	Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends-Joseph Campbell
salon	Staying at your office until all your work is done is like making your dog stay inside until she stops barking at the mailman. It's never going to happen. So go home and take your dog for a walk. You'll both be much happier and if the mailman is lucky, you'll be off playing frisbee when he comes - Raymond Lesser
salon	Freedom of speech means the freedom to disagree
salon	There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't
salon	Proofread your posts carefully to see if you any words out
salon	Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever. 'Mahatma Ghandi'
salon	"Learn from the mistakes of others--you can never live long enough to make them all yourself." (John Luther)
salon	"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." (Albert Einstein)
salon	Nobody taught me how to do this stuff. Figure it out yourself. You won't break anything...probably.
salon	I used to be a necrophiliac, but then I got a divorce.
salon	Normalcy is a fallacy propagated by the insecure.
salon	If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong ?
salon	Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
salon	You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
salon	Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
salon	I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar. Then I'd have all my money back.
salon	Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
salon	Age and Treachery will always overcome Youth and Skill
salon	If at first you do succeed, hide your astonishment.
salon	I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain
salon	"Where the press is free, and every man able to read, all is safe." -- Thomas Jefferson
salon	Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves. -- William Pitt (1759-1806)
salon	"Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God." -- Thomas Jefferson
salon	"One man with courage is a majority." -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
salon	"If we were directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should all want bread." -- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
salon	We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. -- Aesop (~550 BC)
salon	"The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." -- Tacitus (A.D. 55?-130?)
salon	"When we assumed the Soldier, we did not lay aside the Citizen." -- General George Washington
salon	"Government corruption is always reported in the past tense." -- The Watergate Principle
salon	"It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself." -- Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia, 1782
salon	"People separated from their history are easily persuaded." -- Karl Marx
salon	"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -- Voltaire
salon	No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming. -- Outside A Muffler Shop
salon	"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." -- Plato
salon	"I hate quotations." -- Emerson
salon	"Life is a tragedy in close shot, and a comedy in long shot." -- Charlie Chaplin
salon	To see what is in front of one's nose requires a constant struggle. -- George Orwell
salon	"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance." -- George Bernard Shaw
salon	"The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers." -- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
salon	Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something. -- Thomas A. Edison
salon	"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -- Will Rogers
salon	"I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back." -- Henny Youngman
salon	"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher." -- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
salon	"First secure an independent income, then practice virtue." -- Greek Proverb
salon	"Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine." -- Robert C. Gallagher
salon	"Some people will believe anything if you whisper it to them." -- Louis B. Nizer
salon	"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." -- George Bernard Shaw
salon	"I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die." -- Isaac Asimov
salon	"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
salon	"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth." -- Adolf Hitler
salon	"Before mocking someone, walk a mile in their shoes - that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes when you do eventually mock them."
salon	"640K of RAM should be just about enough for anyone" -- Bill Gates
salon	They say procrastination is the reason for my sorrow / I don't know what that big word means, I'll look it up tomorrow
salon	All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason. -- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism
salon	'Madam, I Am Drunk, You Are Fat And Ugly. Tomorrow I Will Be Sober.' - Winston Churchill, responding to a woman at a party.
salon	The whole day stretches before us with unlimited opportunity! And what better way to appreciate that opportunity than by squandering it watching cartoons all day!-Calvin(Calvin and Hobbes)
salon	Kill a few people, they call you a murderer. Kill a million and you're a conqueror.
salon	Search others for their virtues, yourself for your vices - Benjamin Franklin
salon	How do you know when a southern man is about to die? When he says "Hey ya'll, watch this."
salon	It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
salon	"If you think you understood what I just said, then you didn't understand what I just said." -Alan Greenspan
salon	"No matter how cynical you get, it’s impossible to keep up." -Lily Tomlin
salon	Whoever believes in beauty sleep never saw a woman wake up...
salon	Give me ambiguity, or give me something else!
salon	"You know, Timmy, sometimes the car doesn't fall far from the tree." -Police Squad
salon	"When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car." ~Jack Handey
salon	"We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me." ~Jack Handey
salon	"When sea was calm / all ships alike / showed mastership in floating." - William Shakespeare
salon	I'm not paranoid, I know that's what you say behind my back?
salon	There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither of them works.
salon	Money talks it usually says goodbye.
salon	Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dream of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action. - Orison Swett Marden
salon	My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. -Adlai Stevenson
salon	A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. -H L Mencken
salon	Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. -H L Mencken
salon	It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. -H L Mencken
salon	Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. -H L Mencken
salon	Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.-H L Mencken
salon	The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. -H L Mencken
salon	People say we need religion when what they really mean is we need police.-H L Mencken
salon	The most curious social convention of the great age in which we live is the one to the effect that religious opinions should be respected-H L Mencken
salon	The way to deal with superstition is not to be polite to it, but to tackle it with all arms, and so rout it, cripple it, and make it forever infamous and ridiculous. Is it, perchance, cherished by persons who should know better? Then their folly should be brought out into the light of day, and exhibited there in all its hideousness until they flee from it, hiding their heads in shame. True enough, even a superstitious man has certain inalienable rights. He has a right to harbor and indulge his imbecilities as long as he pleases, provided only he does not try to inflict them upon other men by force. He has a right to argue for them as eloquently as he can, in season and out of season. He has a right to teach them to his children. But certainly he has no right to be protected against the free criticism of those who do not hold them. He has no right to demand that they be treated as sacred. He has no right to preach them without challenge.-H L Mencken
salon	We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.-H L Mencken
salon	The Creator is a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh-H L Mencken
salon	If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner-H L Mencken
salon	"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." Treaty of Tripoly, article 11 -John Adams
salon	But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed." -John Adams
salon	"It was, of course, a lie...I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly." -Albert Einstein
salon	During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution."-James Madison
salon	"Every new and successful example, therefore, of a perfect separation between the ecclesiastical and civil matters, is of importance; and I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity the less they are mixed together" Letter to Edward Livingston, July 10, 1822 -James Madison
salon	To discriminate against a thoroughly upright citizen because he belongs to some particular church, or because, like Abraham Lincoln, he has not avowed his allegiance to any church, is an outrage against that liberty of conscience which is one of the foundations of American life.� letter to J. C. Martin, 9 November 1908 -Teddy Roosevelt
salon	I hold that in this country there must be complete severance of Church and State; that public moneys shall not be used for the purpose of advancing any particular creed; and therefore that the public schools shall be nonsectarian and no public moneys appropriated for sectarian schools.� Carnegie Hall address, 12 October 1915 -Teddy Roosevelt
salon	"What you should say to outsiders is that a Christian has neither more nor less rights in our Association than an atheist. When our platform becomes too narrow for people of all creeds and of no creeds, I myself shall not stand upon it." Susan B. Anthony: A Biography, by Kathleen Barry, New York University Press, 1988, p.310 -Susan B Anthony
salon	"Of all the systems of religion that ever were invented, there is no more derogatory to the Almighty, more unedifiying to man, more repugnant to reason, and more contradictory to itself than this thing called Christianity." Age of Reason-Thomas Paine
salon	All natural institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian, or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit." The Age of Reason-Thomas Paine
salon	"When I think of all the harm the Bible has done, I despair of ever writing anything equal to it." -Oscar Wilde
salon	I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." -Frank Lloyd Wright
salon	"Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people's business." Quoted from an interview with Playboy magazine -Jesse Ventura
salon	If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank." Selections from the Allen Notebooks," in New Yorker (5 Nov. 1973) -Woody Allen
salon	It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." -Ben Bergor
salon	"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"-Unknown
salon	"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and" Brad Ramsey
salon	I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror." -Flann O'Brien
salon	A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house." -Unknown
salon	Teenager with nose ring, baggy clothing and spiked hair to friend: I don't really like dressing like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere they go." -Unknown
salon	"Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."-Dave Barry
salon	Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." -Phyllis Diller
salon	He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke." -Unknown
salon	"Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it." -Unknown
salon	"A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be." -Unknown
salon	"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like 'What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.'" -Lenny Bruce
salon	Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." -Charlotte Whittond
salon	"You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something." H Jackson Brown, Jr
salon	"School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone." -Ashley Salvati
salon	"If you can't be kind, at least be vague."-Judith Manners
salon	"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."-Will Rogers
salon	Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."-Mark Twain
salon	It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.-Artistotle
salon	Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life- Berthold Auerbach
salon	What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrifically witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.-Dave Barry
salon	Laughter is the closest distance between two people-Victor Borge
salon	As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it-Dick Cavett
salon	One of the great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by religion-Arthur C Clarke
salon	If fifty million people say a foolish thing it is still a foolish thing.-Anatole France
salon	There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.-Oscar Wilde
salon	'we are a nation of christians and muslims, jews and hindus, and nonbelievers.-Barack Obama
salon	“Run, don’t walk, to the first library you can find and read what they’re trying to keep out of your eyes. Read what they’re trying to keep out of your brains. Because that’s exactly what you need to know.” - Stephen King
salon	“The man beholdeth himself in the glass and goeth his way, and straightway both the mirror and the mirrored forget what manner of man he was…”-Oliver Wendell Holmes
salon	“The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”-Mark Twain
salon	Christianity neither is, nor ever was, a part of the common law-Thomas Jefferson
salon	Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because, if there be one, he must approve the homage of reason rather than of blind-folded fear. Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences…. If it end in a belief that there is no god, you will find incitements to virtue in the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise and in the love of others it will procure for you-Thomas Jefferson
salon	Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth-Thomas Jefferson
salon	Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all - William Goldman
salon	On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does-Will Rogers
salon	The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself-Archibald Macleish
salon	The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with-Eleanor Holmes Norton
salon	Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us.-William O Douglas
salon	One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.-A A Milne
salon	The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.-Monica Baldwin
salon	Life is "trying things to see if they work."-Ray Bradbury
salon	And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.-Neitzsche
salon	“It vexes me when they would constrain science by the authority of the Scriptures, and yet do not consider themselves bound to answer reason and experiment.”-Galileo
salon	Nothing physical which sense-experience sets before our eyes, or which necessary demonstrations prove to us, ought to be called into question (much less condemned) upon the testimony of biblical passages.”-Galileo
salon	I think that in the discussion of natural problems we ought to begin not with the Scriptures, but with experiments, and demonstrations.”-Galileo
salon	In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from others-Mark Twain
salon	I thank God, I shall never again visit a slave country. To this day, if I hear a distant scream, it recalls with painful vividness my feelings, when passing a house near Pernambuco, Brazil, I heard the most pitiful screams, and could not suspect that some poor slave was being tortured ... Near Rio de Janeiro I lived opposite to an old lady, who kept screws to crush the fingers of her female slaves. I have stayed in a house where a young household mulatto, daily and hourly, was reviled, beaten and persecuted enough to break the spirit of the lowest animal...I have seen a boy, six or seven years old, struck thrice with a horse whip (before I could interfere) on his naked head, for having handed me a glass of water not quite clean. It makes one’s blood boil, yet heart tremble, to think that we Englishmen and our American descendants, with their boastful cry of liberty, have been and are so guilty-Charles Darwin
salon	"When entering a crowded streetcar, a lady should leave the door open. It is quite permissible for her to appropriate the seat of the man who gets up to close it"-The Cynic's Rules of Conduct-1905
salon	…we all do what we do for the same reason: because it seems like a good idea at the time.-Babylon 5
salon	I will say that it is a great day for Anna Nicole Smith, she is no longer the most famous (notorious) former Mexia resident. -About Sir Allen Stanford from Waco Trib
salon	"In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican." --H.L. Mencken
salon	I do not like work even when someone else does it-Mark Twain
salon	Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he's suppoed to be doing at that moment-Robert Benchley
salon	The classes that wash most are those who work lease- G K Chesterton
salon	When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living- Helen Rowland
salon	I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career- Gloria Steinem
salon	Crime is contagious....if the government becomes a lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for the law-Justice Louis Brandeis
salon	If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thru' narrow chinks of his cavern.-William Blake
salon	It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.-Upton Sinclair
salon	Laws do not persuade just because they threaten- Seneca
salon	Silence Gives Consent
salon	If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in the government to the utmost. -Aristotle
salon	The condition upon which God that given liberty to man is eternal vigilance; which condition if he break, servitude is at once the consequence of his crime and the punishment of his guilt. -John Philpot Curran
salon	When a tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader. -Plato
salon	What country before ever existed a century and a half without a rebellion?...The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure. -Thomas Jefferson
salon	The very essence of a free government consists in considering offices as public trusts, bestowed for the good of the country and not for the benefit of an individual or a party. -John C Calhoun
salon	As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. Oscar Wilde
salon	Every man wishes to pursue his occupation and to enjoy the fruits of his labors and the produce of his property in peace and safety, and with the least possible expense. When these things are accomplished, all the objects for which government ought to be established are answered. -Thomas Jefferson
salon	If you ever injected the truth into politics, you would have no politics-Will Rogers
salon	Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one-A.J. Liebling
salon	When you have robbed a man of everything he is no longer in your power. He is free again- Aleksandr Solzhenitzyn
salon	Man was born free and everywhere he is in shackles-Jean-Jacques Rousseau
salon	History: an account mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools-Ambrose Bierce
salon	The legitimate object of a government is to do for a community of people what ever they need to have done, but cannot do at all, or cannot so well do for themselves in their separate and individual capacities-Abraham Lincoln
salon	Government is an association of men who do violence to the rest of us-Tolstoy
salon	It is not possible to found a lasting power on injustice-Demosthenes
salon	Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up and shake off the existing government and form a new one. This is a most valuable and sacred right -- a right which we hope and believe is to liberate the world.-Abraham Lincoln
salon	It is the purpose of the First Amendment to preserve an uninhibited marketplace of ideas in which the truth will ultimately prevail, rather than to countenance monopolization of that market, whether it by the Government itself or a private licensee. -Supreme Court 1969
salon	Freedom of the press from governmental interference under the First Amendment does not sanction suppression of that freedom by private interests. -Supreme Court 1945
salon	Capitalism did not arise because capitalists stole the land and the workmen's tools, but because it was more efficient than feudalism. It will perish because it is not merely less efficient than socialism, but actually self-destructive. -Haldane
salon	The great companies did not know that the line between hunger and anger is a thin line-Steinbeck
salon	When it comes to the news, force-fed to us through the media, corporately-owned, we know the cards are stacked. The corporate view is `objective,' all else is `propaganda.-Studs Terkel
salon	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on- Robert Bloch
salon	Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils-Berlioz
salon	Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
salon	I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them-George Bush
salon	After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, No Hablo Ingles
salon	Don�t accept your dog�s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful-Ann Landers
salon	The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.-Samuel Butler
salon	Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job-Franklin P Jones
salon	My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am
salon	If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around-Will Rogers
salon	Steal a little and they throw you in jail, Steal a lot and they make you king ...Bob Dylan
salon	Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow." Plato
salon	People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. -Bill Watterson
salon	The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. -Dorothy Parker
salon	Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.-Amelia Burr
salon	Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back-Arthur Rubenstein
salon	Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of.-Benjamin Franklin
salon	Our lives are like a candle in the wind.-Carl Sandburg
salon	Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep-Carl Sandburg
salon	Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.-Franklin P Jones
salon	Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play, and to look up at the stars.-Henry Van Dyke
salon	Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.-Henry Frederick Amiel
salon	Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.-Helen Keller
salon	The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain-Lord Byron
salon	Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood-Marie Curie
salon	There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy and a tragedy-Mark Twain
salon	Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?-Mary Oliver
salon	Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.-Oliver Wendell Holmes
salon	We as for long life, but 'tis deep life, or noble moments that signify. Let the measure of time be spiritual, not mechanical.-Ralph Waldo Emerson
salon	Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday-Ralph Waldo Emerson
salon	Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy-Ralph Waldo Emerson
salon	The principle of life is that life responds by corresponding; your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be-Raymond Charles Barker
salon	The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.-Robert Louis Stevenson
salon	Don't strew me with roses after I'm dead.When Death claims the light of my brow No flowers of life will cheer me: instead You may give me my roses now!-Thomas F Healey
salon	Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.-Tom Lehrer
salon	Life would be much easier if I had the source code.-Unknown
salon	Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save-Will Rogers
salon	“The great, unreported story in globalization is about power, not ideology. It's about how finance and business regularly, continuously insert their own self-interested deals and exceptions into rules and agreements that are then announced to the public as "free trade."”-William Greider
salon	Without free speech no search for truth is possible... no discovery of truth is useful... Better a thousandfold abuse of free speech than denial of free speech. The abuse dies in a day, but the denial slays the life of the people, and entombs the hope of the race."-Chalres Bradlaugh
salon	There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.-Joseph Alexandrovitch Brodsky
salon	Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage-Winston Churchill
salon	If librarianship is the connecting of people to ideas – and I believe that is the truest definition of what we do – it is crucial to remember that we must keep and make available, not just good ideas and noble ideas, but bad ideas, silly ideas, and yes, even dangerous or wicked ideas."-Graceanne A Decandido
salon	Don't join the book burners. Don't think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed-Dwight D Eisenhower
salon	Every burned book enlightens the world- Ralph Weldo Emerson
salon	This is slavery, not to speak one's thought."-Euripides
salon	If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed-Benjamin Franklin
salon	Fear of corrupting the mind of the younger generation is the loftiest form of cowardice-Holbrook Jackson
salon	Children deprived of words become school dropouts; dropouts deprived of hope behave delinquently. Amateur censors blame delinquency on reading immoral books and magazines, when in fact, the inability to read anything is the basic trouble-Peter S Jennison
salon	Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? - Who will watch the watchers?"-Juvenal
salon	Lighthouses are more helpful than churches."-Benjamin Franklin
salon	Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst."-Thomas Paine
salon	I cannot conceive otherwise than that He, the Infinite Father, expects or requires no worship or praise from us, but that He is even infinitely above it."-Benjamin Franklin
salon	As to the book called the bible, it is blasphemy to call it the Word of God. It is a book of lies and contradictions and a history of bad times and bad men-Thomas Paine
salon	"...Thomas did not believe the resurrection [John 20:25], and, as they say, would not believe without having ocular and manual demonstration himself. So neither will I, and the reason is equally as good for me, and for every other person, as for Thomas -Thomas Paine
salon	Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and tortuous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistant that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind; and, for my part, I sincerely detest it, as I detest everything that is cruel."-Thomas Paine
salon	That God cannot lie, is no advantage to your argument, because it is no proof that priests can not, or that the Bible does not."-Thomas Paine
salon	The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma."-Abraham Lincoln
salon	I am for liberty of conscience in its noblest, broadest, and highest sense. But I cannot give liberty of conscience to the pope and his followers, the papists, so long as they tell me, through all their councils, theologians, and canon laws that their conscience orders them to burn my wife, strangle my children, and cut my throat when they find their opportunity-Abraham Lincoln
salon	In those parts of the world where learning and science have prevailed, miracles have ceased; but in those parts of it as are barbarous and ignorant, miracles are still in vogue-Ethan Allen
salon	There is nothing which can better deserve our patronage than the promotion of science and literature. Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."-George Washington
salon	My earlier views at the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them."-Abraham Lincoln
salon	I am approached with the most opposite opinions and advice, and by religious men who are certain they represent the Divine will. ... I hope it will not be irreverent in me to say, that if it be probable that God would reveal his will to others, on a point so connected with my duty, it might be supposed he would reveal it directly to me."-Abraham Lincoln
salon	believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute- where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom to vote--where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference--and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him-Hohn F Kennedy
salon	I would suggest the taxation of all property equally whether church or corporation."-Ulysses S Grant
salon	If not an absolute atheist, he had no belief in a future existence. All his ideas of obligation or retribution were bounded by the present life-John Quincy Adams on Thomas Jefferson
salon	The Christian God is a being of terrific character -- cruel, vindictive, capricious, and unjust."-Thomas Jefferson
salon	He is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong-Thomas Jefferson
salon	The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."-Thomas Jeffferson
salon	If we could believe that [Jesus]...countenanced the follies, falsehoods and charlatanisms which his biographers father on him, ...the conclusion would be irresistible...that he was an imposter-Thomas Jefferson
salon	I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and State-Thomas Jefferson Letter to Danbury Baptists Assn
salon	All persons shall have full and free liberty of religious opinion; nor shall any be compelled to frequent or maintain any religious institution-Thomas Jefferson 1776
salon	It is between fifty and sixty years since I read the Apocalypse, and I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac."-Thomas Jefferson
salon	The Christian god can be easily pictured as virtually the same as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious. If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of the people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites-Thomas Jefferson
salon	Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law."-Thomas Jefferson
salon	"The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to women is, to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading."-Elizabeth Cady Stanton
salon	"[I]t may not be easy, in every possible case, to trace the line of separation between the rights of religion and the Civil authority with such distinctness as to avoid collisions and doubts on unessential points. The tendency to unsurpastion on one side or the other, or to a corrupting coalition or alliance between them, will be best guarded agst. by an entire abstinence of the Gov't from interfence in any way whatsoever, beyond the necessity of preserving public order, and protecting each sect agst. trespasses on its legal rights by others."-James Madison
salon	Its first and most immediate purpose rested on the belief that a union of government and religion tends to destroy government and degrade religion."-Justice Black on the Establishment Clause
salon	Neither a state nor the Federal Government can, openly or secretly, participate in the affairs of any religious organizations or groups and vice versa. In the words of Jefferson, the clause against establishment of religion by law was intended to erect 'a wall of separation between church and state-Hugo Black
salon	I do not believe that any type of religion should ever be introduced into the public schools of the United States-Thomas Edison
salon	My mind is incapable of conceiving such a thing as a soul. I may be in error, and man may have a soul; but I simply do not believe it."-Thomas Edison
salon	"I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God."-Thomas Edison
salon	So far as religion of the day is concerned, it is a damned fake... Religion is all bunk."-Thomas Edison
salon	To those seaching for truth - not the truth of dogma and darkness but the truth brought by reason, search, examination, and inquiry, discipline is required. For faith, as well intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction - faith in fiction is a damnable false hope-Thomas Edison
salon	There is nothing in either savage or civilised history that is more utterly complete, more remorselessly sweeping than the Father of Mercy's campaign among the Midianites. The official report deals only in masses, all the virgins, all the men, all the babies. all 'creatures that breathe,' all houses. all cities. It gives you just one vast picture ...as far as the eye can reach, of charred ruins and storm-swept desolation... Would you expect this same conscienceless God, this moral bankrupt, to become a teacher of morals, of gentleness, of meekness, of righteousness, of purity-Mark Twain
salon	"During many ages there were witches. The Bible said so. The Bible commanded that they should not be allowed to live. Therefore the Church, after doing its duty in but a lazy and indolent way for 800 years, gathered up its halters, thumbscrews, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One does not know whether to laugh or to cry."-Mark Twain
salon	"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."-Albert Einstein
salon	The idea of a personal God is an anthropological concept which I am unable to take seriously-Albert Einstein
salon	The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action."-Albert Einstein
salon	I have repeatedly said that in my opinion the idea of a personal God is a childlike one, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being."-Albert Einstein
salon	A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."-Albert Einstein
salon	"It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it."-Albert Einstein 1954
salon	What I have done is to show that it is possible for the way the universe began to be determined by the laws of science. In that case, it would not be necessary to appeal to God to decide how the universe began. This doesn't prove that there is no God, only that God is not necessary."-Stephen W Hawking
salon	"Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that."-Benjamin Spock
salon	Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. -Adele Davis
salon	Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
salon	The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. -Calvin Trillin
salon	Bear in mind that you should conduct yourself in life as at a feast. -Epictetus
salon	Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you, and be silent. -Epictetus
salon	It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do-Moliere
salon	Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.-George Santayana
salon	I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 'No Good in a Bed, but fine against a wall'- Eleanor Roosevelt
salon	Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon- Peter Lynch
salon	The Time You Enjoy Wasting Is Not Wasted Time - Bertrand Russell
salon	"See, there's two types of clowns: There's clowns that put on makeup to look like clowns so they can go to birthday parties, then there's clowns that put on makeup to look like people so they can go to the liquor store." -Emmett Montgomery
salon	Nothing is more annoying in the ordinary intercourse of life than this irritable patriotism of Americans. A foreigner will gladly agree to praise much in their country, but he would like to be allowed to criticize something, and that he is absolutely refused-Alex de Tocqueville
salon	Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”-Norman Cousins
salon	never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity-Unknown
salon	A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. -Bernard Meltzer
salon	“Though those that are betrayed Do feel the treason sharply, yet the traitor Stands in worse case of woe-Cymbelline
salon	Taxes are the price we pay for civilized society-Oliver Wendell Holmes
salon	Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most of them live the longest- unknown
salon	No one gossips about other's secret virtues- Bertrand Russell
salon	Employ thy time well if thou meanest to get leisure- Benjamin Franklin
salon	Keep Your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards- Benjamin Franklin
salon	If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts- Albert Einstein
salon	As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." -Albert Einstein
salon	It is hard to tell if a man is telling the truth when you know you would lie if you were in his place-H L Mencken
salon	Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment-Jim Rohn
salon	There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together- Josh Billings
salon	A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." -Winston Churchill
salon	To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intellingent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded-Ralph Waldo Emerson
salon	Be not too hasty to trust or admire the teachers of morality; they discourse like angels, but they live like men-Dr Samuel Johnson
salon	Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped-Elbert Hubbard
salon	I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose-Woody Allen
salon	My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe-Jimmy Durante
salon	An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather-Washington Irving
salon	A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book-Irish proverb
salon	Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence-Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
salon	I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self-Aristotle
salon	The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up-Mark Twain
salon	When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us-Alexander Graham Bell
salon	Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million." -Arnold Schwarzenegger
salon	The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason-Benjamin Franklin
salon	Shake off all fears of servile prejudices, under which weak mines are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear-Thomas Jefferson
salon	All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced upon them, they tackle it by denouncing some one or something else.-H L Mencken
salon	How dreadful it is when the right judge judges wrong-Sophocles
salon	Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy-Ernest Bean
salon	Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others-Groucho Marx
salon	Giving money and power to the government is like giving car keys and whisky to teenage boys-P J O'Rourke
salon	When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics.-P J O'Rourke
salon	God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell-P J O'Rourke
salon	No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the Legislature is in session-Judge Gideon J Tucker
salon	This country has come to feel the same when congress is in session as when a baby gets hold of a hammer-Will Rogers
salon	It is awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.-Will Rogers
salon	The difference between a politician and a pickpocket is that a pickpocket doesn't always get indignant when you tell him to keep his hands to himself-Joseph Sobran
salon	Politicians never accuse you of 'greed' for wanting other people's money -- only for wanting to keep your own money-Joseph Sobran
salon	There ain't no ticks like poly-ticks. Bloodsuckers all-Davy Crockett
salon	If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.-H L Mencken
salon	Looking for an honest politician is like looking for an ethical burglar.-H L Menchken
salon	The problem with political jokes is they get elected- Henry Cate VII
salon	There is nothing that politicians like better than handing out benefits to be paid for by someone else- Thomas Sowell
salon	You have to have a sense of humor if you follow politics. Otherwise, the sheer fraudulence of it all will get you down-Thomas Sowell
salon	What is history but the story of how politicians have squandered the blood and treasure of the human race?-Thomas Sowell
salon	Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.-Charles de Gaulle
salon	Experience to a politician is like experience to a prostitute -- not much to recommend them.-Charley Reese
salon	Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.Ronald Reagan
salon	Politicians may think prostitution is a grim, degrading life. But prostitutes think the same of politics-Steve Chapman
salon	We should be long past applauding politicians of any hue: they got us into this mess. The best deserve a probationary opportunity to prove themselves, the worst should be in jail-Gerald Warner
salon	It is truly a triumph of rhetoric over reality when people can believe that going into politics is 'public service,' but that producing food, shelter, transportation, or medical care is not.-Thomas Sowell
salon	You can bet the rent money that whatever politicians do will end up harming consumers. ... Economic ignorance is to politicians what idle hands are to the devil. Both provide the workshop for the creation of evil-Walter E Williams
salon	Bad policies, stupid policies, gutless policies have real consequences-Molly Ivins
salon	The personal qualities necessary for attaining office are practically the opposite of those demanded by the office itself. The trouble with the damn system is that it selects for the skills needed to get elected, and nothing else. A test that you can only pass by cheating can't possibly select honest people-James P Hogan
salon	Our current political system ensures not that the worst will get on top -- though they often do -- but that the best will never even apply.Paul Jacob
salon	The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another, no special talent for the business of government; they have only a talent for getting and holding office-H L Mencken
salon	Nothing brings out the lower traits of human nature like office seeking-Rutherford B Hayes
salon	You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest-Ambrose Bierce
salon	The United States was supposed to have a limited government because the founders knew political power attracts swarms of crooks, demagogues and despots as surely as horse manure attracts swarms of horseflies-Rick Gaber
salon	Force always attracts men of low morality-Albert Einstein
salon	In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant-Charles de Gaulle
salon	Who may we look to for a reprieve from these money-grubbers and looters? We cannot look to our neighbors and fellow citizens, for they are as dumb as posts. They complain about high taxes and then vote these morons into office anyway-Cody
salon	Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.-Otto von Bismarck
salon	People often ask me why I left the Senate, and I always tell them after eight years in Washington, I longed for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.-Fred Thompson
salon	No one ever died from smoking marijuana, but millions of people have died by believing politicians.-Harry Browne
salon	Politicians are politicians all of the time -- whether they're helping themselves to an extra-serving of farm-subsidy bacon, writing new laws about when their opponents can and can't run ads about them or appointing bureaucrats to enforce those laws. ... There are no angels at the FEC. There aren't any in Congress or at the White House. And the sooner arrogant reformers like Sen. McCain and Fred Wertheimer realize that they're no angels either, the better for all of us -- and for the Constitution-Ryan Sager
salon	For those who fancy that government's projects are uniquely important, or for those who imagine that holding government office makes someone unusually saintly or trustworthy, entrusting government with power that we would never entrust to our neighbors or other private citizens might seem sensible. To me, it's dangerous, unjustified, and unjustifiable-Dr Donald Boudreaux
salon	Whenever the government causes a crisis, Congress and the president of the United States will almost surely give even more power and authority to the agency that is most responsible for the calamity-Willam L Anderson
salon	Giving a politician access to your wallet is like giving a dog access to your refrigerator-Tim Barber
salon	Some years ago an excellent professor of economics told his class in his gravelly voice, 'If you pay me $50,000 a year to solve a problem, I damned sure ain't going to solve it.Charley Reese
salon	I respect kindness in human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.-Roger Ebert, from a tavern wall
salon	No one can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplices-Edward R Murrow
humanbeing	It is the mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now. When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.We are seeing what is before us. John Bradshaw
salon	The Democrats have moved to the right, and the right has moved into a mental hospital-Bill Maher
salon	'Don't be like a blind dog in a meat house-John Barry who invented wd40
salon	I�m probably 20 percent atheist and 80 percent agnostic. I don�t think anyone really knows. You�ll either find out or not when you get there, until then there�s no point thinking about it.-Brad Pitt
salon	There is nothing so fretting and vexatious, nothing so justly terrible to tyrants, and their tools and abettors, as a free press.-Samuel Adams
salon	If we are to guard against ignorance and remain free, it is the responsibility of every American to be informed-Thomas Jefferson
salon	Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. ---First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America
salon	Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.-James Madison
salon	Fighting evil is good. Just sort of tripping and spilling coffee on evil's shoes is pretty stupid.-Xopher
salon	[The people] Had forfeited the confidence of the government and could win it back only by redoubled efforts. Would it not be eaiser in that case for the government to dissolve the people and elect another? -Bertolt Brecht from The Solution
salon	Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that-George Carlin
salon	Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	A fanatic is a man who does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	Trust everybody, but cut the cards-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	A man that would expect to train lobsters to fly in a year is called a lunatic; but a man that thinks men can be turned into angels by an election is a reformer & remains at large-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	There is one thing to be said in favor of drink, and that is that it has caused many a lady to be loved that otherwise might have died single-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	You can lead a man up to the university, but you can't make him think-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	Alcohol is necessary for a man so that now and then he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	Comfort the afflicted, afflict the comfortable-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while-Finely Peter Dunne
salon	Like most poets, preachers, and metaphysicians, he burst into conclusion at a spark of evidence-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	The first thing to have in a library is a shelf. From time to time, this can be decorated with literature. But the shelf is the main thing-Finley Peter Dunne
salon	trouble not myself about the manner of future existence. I content myself with believing, even to positive conviction, that the power that gave me existence is able to continue it, in any form and manner he pleases, either with or without this body; and it appears more probable to me that I shall continue to exist hereafter than that I should have had existence, as I now have, before that existence began.-Thomas Paine
salon	This is Meryl Streep's World... and we just live in it -anon
salon	" 'In God We Trust' excludes and treats as outsiders the millions of adult Americans, including as many as 15% of all adults, who are not religious, i.e., atheists, agnostics, skeptics and freethinkers, none of whom possesses a belief in a god; the mandated language diminishes nonbelievers by making god-belief synonymous with citizenship."-FFR Foundation
salon	If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side-Orson Scott Card
salon	Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.-Butch Hancock
salon	You should never ask a man where he's from. If he's from Texas, he's gonna tell you. If not, why embarrass him?
salon	I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.-Isaac Newton
salon	Truth is ever to be found in simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.-Isaac Newton
salon	If I had stayed for other people to make my tools and things for me, I had never made anything. -Isaac Newton
salon	I can calculate the motions of the heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people. -Isaac Newton
salon	If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants. -Isaac Newton
salon	Whether or not you believe in God, you should live your life with love, kindness, compassion, mercy and tolerance while trying to make the world a better place. If there is no God, you have lost nothing and will have made a positive impact on those around you. If there is a benevolent God reviewing your life, you will be judged on your actions and not just on your ability to blindly believe, when there is a significant lack of evidence of any one god's existence. -Agnostic Atheism Wager
salon	In conclusion, there is a marvelous anecdote from the occasion of Russell's ninetieth birthday that best serves to summarize his attitude toward God and religion. A London lady sat next to him at this party, and over the soup she suggested to him that he was not only the world's most famous atheist but, by this time, very probably the world's oldest atheist. "What will you do, Bertie, if it turns out you're wrong?" she asked. "I mean, what if -- uh -- when the time comes, you should meet Him? What will you say?" Russell was delighted with the question. His bright, birdlike eyes grew even brighter as he contemplated this possible future dialogue, and then he pointed a finger upward and cried, "Why, I should say, 'God, you gave us insufficient evidence.'" -Bertrand Russell
salon	The church of this country is not only indifferent to the wrongs of the slave, it actually takes sides with the oppressors.... For my part, I would say, welcome infidelity! Welcome atheism! Welcome anything! in preference to the gospel, as preached by these Divines! They convert the very name of religion into an engine of tyranny and barbarous cruelty, and serve to confirm more infidels, in this age, than all the infidel writings of Thomas Paine, Voltaire, and Bolingbroke put together have done!-Frederick Douglass
salon	The President of the United States summons the nation to church on Thanksgiving Day to give thanks to "Almighty God" for the abundant harvest and all other blessings. But what has Almighty God -- I have no desire to appear irreverent -- what has Almighty God as a personal being to do with the harvests? If it is he who produces our crops, then being Almighty there should never be a failure of crops. But since crops frequently fail, it follows that there is no Almighty person in charge of them -- unless he brings failure purposely. Therefore, if God is to be thanked for large crops, he must be blamed when the crops are a failure. . . . If God sends the rain and the sunshine which develops and ripens our wheat, who sends the storms and the insects which destroy much of it? And if he sends both, then why not thank him for one and blame him for the other?-John Dietrich
salon	Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.-Marcus Aurelius
salon	Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.-Thomas Jefferson
salon	Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived-Oscar Wilde
salon	"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful."-Seneca
salon	And even if we did have only Christians in our midst, if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States of America, whose Christianity would we teach in the schools? Would it be James Dobson's, or Al Sharpton's? Which passages of Scripture should guide our public policy? Should we go with Leviticus, which suggests slavery is OK and that eating shellfish is an abomination? Or we could go with Deuteronomy, which suggests stoning your child if he strays from the faith. Or should we just stick to the Sermon on the Mount -- a passage that is so radical that it's doubtful that our own Defense Department would survive its application? We -- so, before we get carried away, let's read our Bibles now. Folks haven't been reading their Bible. -Barack Obama
salon	Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap. -- Barbara Jordan
salon	A popular Government, without popular information, or the means of acquiring it, is but a Prologue to a Farce or a Tragedy; or, perhaps both. Knowledge will forever govern ignorance: And a people who mean to be their own Governors, must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives-James Madison
salon	Everything that annoys us about others can help us to understand ourselves-Carl Jung
salon	If there are those who say you have lost your way, tell them you changed direction and forgot to update them-Perry Fair
salon	I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it- George Carlin
salon	"As there begins to be less time ahead of you, you want to be exactly who you are, without making it easier for everyone else."-Meryl Streep
salon	The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.-Eckhardt Tolle
salon	A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern-Edgar A. Shoaff
salon	When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools-William Shakespeare-King Lear
salon	Men hate to be misunderstood, and to be understood makes them furious-Edgar Saltus
salon	Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence�-Aristotle
salon	�We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have-Keonig
salon	What is the essence of life? To serve others and to do good-Artistotle
salon	"It is the first of all problems for a man to find out what kind of work he is to do in this universe." -Thomas Carlyle
salon	I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.-Pablo Casals
salon	"Each of us is meant to have a character all our own, to be what no other can exactly be, and do what no other can exactly do." -William Ellery Channing
salon	The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth..." -Albert Einstein
salon	I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing-Agatha Christie
salon	Ethics, too, are nothing but reverence for life. This is what gives me the fundamental principle of morality, namely, that good consists in maintaining, promoting, and enhancing life, and that destroying, injuring, and limiting life are evil.-Albert Schweitzer
salon	There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle-Albert Einstein
salon	Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death-Anais Nin
salon	How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives-Annie Dillard
salon	Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back-Arthur Rubenstein
salon	How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.-Barry Lopez
salon	Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are-Bernice Johnson Reagon
salon	Now there is one outstandingly important fact regarding Spaceship Earth, and that is that no instruction book came with it-Buckminster Fuller
salon	My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?-Charles Schulz
salon	When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other-Chinese PRoverb
salon	I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer-Colette
salon	That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet-Emily Dickinson
salon	Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile-Franklin P Jones
salon	A terrorist set fire to his own trousers, suffering eyewateringly painful burns to what Australian cricket commentators sometimes refer to as the "groinal area", and nobody seems to be laughing. What's wrong with us?-Bruce Schneier
salon	Anybody who writes a book is an optimist. First of all, they think they're going to finish it. Second, they think somebody's going to publish it. Third, they think somebody's going to read it." -Margaret Atwood
salon	“There’s no point in acting all surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display in your local planning department on Alpha Centauri for fifty of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now.”-Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
salon	"No religious reading, instruction or exercise, shall be prescribed or practiced [in the elementary schools] inconsistent with the tenets of any religious sect or denomination."Thomas Jefferson-Note to Elementary School Act, 1817.
salon	"Ministers of the Gospel are excluded [from serving as Visitors of the county Elementary Schools] to avoid jealousy from the other sects, were the public education committed to the ministers of a particular one; and with more reason than in the case of their exclusion from the legislative and executive functions."-Thomas Jefferson - Note to Elementary School Act, 1817.
salon	..."balanced" coverage that plagues American journalism and which leads to utterly spineless reporting with no edge. The idea seems to be that journalists are allowed to go out to report, but when it comes time to write, we are expected to turn our brains off and repeat the spin from both sides. God forbid we should attempt fairly assess what we see with our own eyes. "Balanced" is not fair, it's just an easy way of avoiding real reporting...and shirking our responsibility to inform readers.-Ken Silverstein
salon	Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society-Mark Twain
salon	He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." -- Thomas Paine
salon	Main Entry: journal ;Part of Speech: noun;Definition: chronicle Synonyms: account, almanac, annals, annual, calendar, chronology, comic book, daily, daybook, diary, gazette, ledger, log, magazine, memento, memoir, minutes, monthly, newspaper, note, observation, organ, paper, periodical, publication, rag, record, register, reminder, reminiscence, review, scandal sheet, statement, tabloid, weekly-Roget's Thesaurus
salon	It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”-Jerry Seinfeld
salon	“Fear of serious injury cannot alone justify suppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears . . . If there be time to expose through discussion the falsehood and fallacies, to avert the evil by the processes of education, the remedy to be applied is more speech, not enforced silence.” Justice Brandeis
salon	“Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.”-Adlai Stevenson
salon	“The secret of a successful newspaper is to take one story each day and bang the hell out of it. Give the public what it wants to have and part of what it ought to have whether it wants it or not.”-HB Swope
salon	“Every good newspaper is muckraking to some degree. It's part of our job. Where there's muck, we ought to rake it.”James P Cannon
salon	“Newspapers, television networks, and magazines have sometimes been outrageously abusive, untruthful, arrogant, and hypocritical. But it hardly follows that elimination of a strong and independent press is the way to eliminate abusiveness . . .”Potter Stewart
salon	"Journalism can never be silent: that is its greatest virtue and its greatest fault. It must speak, and speak immediately, while the echoes of wonder, the claims of triumph and the signs of horror are still in the air."-Grunwald
salon	"A journalist is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets." Napoleon Bonaparte
salon	"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs".unknown
salon	My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children. -Bill Cosby
salon	When you become senile, you won't know it-Bill Cosby
salon	An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong. -Russell Baker
salon	Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. -Will Durant
salon	Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.-Oscar Wilde
salon	Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. -Malcolm Forbes
salon	In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -Mark Twain
salon	It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.-Aristotle
salon	Much education today is monumentally ineffective. All too often we are giving young people cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants. -John W Gardner
salon	The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives. -Robert M Hutchins
salon	Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children, and not for the education of all adults of every age? -Erich Fromm
salon	A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -Mark Twain
salon	A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. -Mark Twain
salon	Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.-Mark Twain
salon	Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. -Mark Twain
salon	Familiarity breeds contempt - and children-Mark Twain
salon	A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side. -Aristotle
salon	Bashfulness is an ornament to youth, but a reproach to old age. -Aristotle
salon	Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. -Aristotle
salon	It is not once nor twice but times without number that the same ideas make their appearance in the world. -Aristotle
salon	Republics decline into democracies and democracies degenerate into despotisms.-Aristotle
salon	The generality of men are naturally apt to be swayed by fear rather than reverence, and to refrain from evil rather because of the punishment that it brings than because of its own foulness-Aristotle
salon	The gods too are fond of a joke.-Aristotle
salon	The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances. -Aristotle
salon	Well begun is half done. -Aristotle
salon	All violence consists in some people forcing others, under threat of suffering or death, to do what they do not want to do. -Leo Tolstoy
salon	Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. -Tolstoy
salon	I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means - except by getting off his back. -Tolstoy
salon	War is so unjust and ugly that all who wage it must try to stifle the voice of conscience within themselves. -Tolstoy
salon	Everyone knows what it's like to be an atheist. A Christian is an atheist when it comes to Muhammad and vice versa.
salon	The United States have adventured upon a great and noble experiment, which is believed to have been hazarded in the absence of all previous precedent — that of total separation of Church and State. No religious establishment by law exists among us. The conscience is left free from all restraint and each is permitted to worship his Maker after his own judgment. The offices of the Government are open alike to all. No tithes are levied to support an established Hierarchy, nor is the fallible judgment of man set up as the sure and infallible creed of faith. The Mohammedan, if he will to come among us would have the privilege guaranteed to him by the constitution to worship according to the Koran; and the East Indian might erect a shrine to Brahma, if it so pleased him. Such is the spirit of toleration inculcated by our political Institutions.”-President John Tyler, 1843
salon	When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.-Sinclair Lewis
salon	Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.-Bertrand Russell
salon	Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.-Mark Twain
salon	A super-patriot is someone who loves his country, but hates 95% of the people living in it.-Mad Magazine
salon	Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.-George Bernard Shaw
salon	Patriotism assumes that our globe is divided into little spots, each one surrounded by an iron gate. Those who have had the fortune of being born on some particular spot, consider themselves better, nobler, grander, more intelligent than the living beings inhabiting any other spot. It is, therefore, the duty of everyone living on that chosen spot to fight, kill, and die in the attempt to impose his superiority upon all the others.-Emma Goldman
salon	The world, we are told, was created by a God who is both good and omnipotent. Before He created the world He foresaw all the pain and misery that it would contain; He is therefore responsible for all of it. It is useless to argue that the pain of the world is due to sin. In the first place, this is not true; it is not sin that causes rivers to overflow their banks or volcanoes to erupt. But even if it were true, it would make no difference. If I were going to beget a child knowing that the child was going to be a homicidal maniac, I should be responsible for his crimes. If God knew in advance the sins of which man would be guilty, He was clearly responsible for all the consequences of those sins when He decided to create man.”-Bertrand Russell
salon	“You shouldn’t make anyone feel like an outsider,” she said. “Go to church before a meeting if you feel you have to pray for things like sewer lines ... and variances.”-Gaynor
salon	A standing military force, with an overgrown Executive will not long be safe companions to liberty. The means of defence against foreign danger, have been always the instruments of tyranny at home."—James Madison
salon	Those who say it can not be done, should get out of the way of those that are doing it"
salon	Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty. -Nathaniel Hawthorne
salon	All men profess honesty as long as they can. To believe all men honest would be folly. To believe none so is something worse.-John Quincey Adams
salon	Lost time is never found again. -Benjamin Franklin
salon	The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. -C S Lewis
salon	Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -Carl Sandberg
salon	You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by. -James M Barrie
salon	Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. -Andy Rooney
salon	Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. -Doug Larsen
salon	Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
salon	I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton
salon	A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
salon	Everything that is new or uncommon raises a pleasure in the imagination, because it fills the soul with an agreeable surprise, gratifies its curiosity, and gives it an idea of which it was not before possessed. -Joseph Addison
salon	I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free-Michaelangelo
salon	Live out of your imagination, not your history. -Stephen Covey
salon	Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. -George S Patton
salon	They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea. -Francis Bacon
salon	Trust that little voice in your head that says "Wouldn't it be interesting if..."; And then do it. -Duane Michals
salon	A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. -Jessamyn West
salon	If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.-Alfred North Whitehead
salon	If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.-Mark Twain
salon	“Journalism is the first rough draft of history.”
salon	“Journalism can never be silent: that is its greatest virtue and its greatest fault. It must speak, and speak immediately, while the echoes of wonder, the claims of triumph and the signs of horror are still in the air.”- Herbert Anatole Grunwald
salon	“Journalism largely consists of saying "Lord Jones is Dead" to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.”-G K Chesterton
salon	“Journalism is organized gossip.”-Edward Eggleston
salon	“There can be no higher law in journalism than to tell the truth and to shame the devil - remain detached from the great”-Walter Lippman
salon	“Junk journalism is the evidence of a society that has got at least one thing right, that there should be nobody with the power to dictate where responsible journalism begins”-Tom Stoppard
salon	“Love endures only when the lovers love many things together and not merely each other.”-Walter Lippman
salon	“He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.”-Walter Lippman
salon	“We are all captives of the picture in our head - our belief that the world we have experienced is the world that really exists.”-Walter Lippman
salon	Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor-Ogden Nash
salon	You live and learn. At any rate, you live-Douglas Adams
salon	If I've learned one thing in life it's that I can always count on pinkeye at the most inappropriate moment-Janeane Garofalo
salon	Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act-Truman Capote
salon	Life isnt fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all-William Goldman
salon	Most of life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went - John Updike
salon	Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor
salon	Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty-Sicilian proverb
salon	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.-Robert Bloch
salon	I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar
salon	Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
salon	It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Aristotle
salon	Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. =George Washington
salon	Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die- Bill Cosby
salon	The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.-Erma Bombeck
salon	The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.-Samuel Goldwyn
salon	I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs-H L Mencken
salon	If we long to believe that the stars rise and set for us, that we are the reason there is a Universe, does science do us a disservice in deflating our conceits? -Carl Sagan
salon	I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually. -James A Baldwin
salon	Every idea is an incitement... Eloquence may set fire to reason. -Oliver Wendell Holmes
salon	If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' -Dave Barry
salon	The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. -Jay Leno
salon	A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. -Groucho Marx
salon	Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. -Bill Cosby
salon	Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot-Groucho Marx
salon	By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean-Mark Twain
salon	I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. -Woody Allen
salon	I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. -Bob Hope
salon	My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. -Ellen Degeneres
salon	Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected. -Robert Orben
salon	Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. -W C Fields
salon	The founding fathers in their wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on parents. So they provided jails called schools, equipped with torture called education- John Updike
salon	Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously - G K Chesterton
salon	Without a gentle contempt for education, no man's education is complete- G K Chesteron
salon	A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one- Ben Franklin
salon	I respect faith but doubt is what gets you an educatio- Wilson Mizner
salon	If I ran a school, I'd give the average grade to the ones who gave me all the right answers, for being good parrots. I'd give the top grades to those who made a lot of mistakes and told me about them, and then told me what they learned from them-Buckminster Fuller
salon	If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to- Dorothy Parker
salon	There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income- Edmund Wilson
salon	Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like- Will Rogers
salon	Whenever people say 'We mustn't be sentimental', you can take it that they are about to do something cruel. And if they add 'We must be realistic', they mean they are going to make money out of it. - Brigid Brophy
salon	Money is not everything but it is better than having one's health. After all, one cannot go into a butcher shop and tell the butcher 'Look at my great suntan and besides I never catch colds' and expect him to hand over any merchandise- Woody Allen
salon	One of the penalties of having enough money-and you never realize it until you have enough money-is that you don't get any satisfaction out of doing the things that save money. Raymond Chandler
salon	The only reason to have money is to tell any sonavabith in the world to go to hell- Humphrey Bogart
salon	All men laugh at the Three Stooges and all women think that the Three Stooges are a******s- Jay Leno
salon	Women aren't embarrassed when they buy men's pajamas but a man buying a nightgown acts as thought he were dealing with a dope peddler- Jimmy Cannon
salon	If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them- Sue Grafton
salon	When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country-Elaine Boosler
salon	I hate women because they always know where things are- Voltaire
salon	A man bears the same relationship to a woman as a multiple choice test does to an essay exam- Dr Mardy Grothe
salon	A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern- Edgar A Shoaff
salon	It is not a fragrant world- Raymond Chandler
salon	When people are free to do what they please, they usually irritate each other- Eric Hoffer
salon	I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life- Rita Rudner
salon	If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done- Peter Ustinov
salon	Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost- Russell Baker
salon	If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia- Thomas Szasz
salon	We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience- George Bernard Shaw
salon	Education- the inculcation of the incomprehensible into the indifferent by the incompetent- John Maynard Keynes
salon	By the time the youngest children have learned to keep the house tidy, the oldest grandchildren are on hand to tear it apart- Christopher Morley
salon	There is no idea so stupid that you can't find a professor who will believe it- H L Menchken
salon	Both the doctor and the angel of death kill, but only the doctor charges for it- Jewish aphorism
salon	Education is not the filling of a bucket but the starting of a fire- W B Yeats
salon	I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute- Rebecca West 1913
salon	Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of power. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters-Daniel Webster
salon	The man in the tall hat picked up the shell. There was no pea under it. The next instant the five-dollar bill was in his tail-coat pocket and he was showing the pea again and putting it under another shell. Almonzo couldn't understand it. He had seen the pea under that shell, and it wasn't there. He asked Father how the man had done it. 'I don't know, Almonzo,' Father said. 'But he knows. It's his game. Never bet your money on another man's game.-Laura Engles Wilder
salon	If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they'll stop making it tomorrow; if it's all three, they stopped making it yesterday.- Mignon McLaughlin
salon	Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. -Murphy's Law
salon	How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
salon	As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~Author Unknown
salon	If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner
salon	When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown
salon	How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? ~Christy Whitehead
salon	Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown
salon	Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~Author Unknown
salon	The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~Author Unknown
salon	If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~Author Unknown
salon	People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown
salon	The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. ~Author Unknown
salon	No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown
salon	I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support. ~Robert Brault
salon	I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror. ~Elaine Dundy
salon	People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry
salon	At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.-Emo Phillips
salon	You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity.-Robert Heinlein
salon	Every law that was ever written opened up a new way to graft. -Robert Heinlen
salon	Take sides! Always take sides! You will sometimes be wrong — but the man who refuses to take sides must always be wrong.-Robert Heinlen
salon	People don’t really want change, any change at all — and xenophobia is very deep-rooted. But we progress, as we must — if we are to go out to the stars.-Robert Heinlen
salon	Speak when you are angry-and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret-Dr Laurence J Peter
salon	Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel- Ralph Waldo Emerson
salon	If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter- George Washington
salon	Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks- Jean Kerr
salon	I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. -Henny Youngman
salon	Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. -Henny Youngman
salon	You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready. -Henny Youngman
salon	I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. -Rodney Dangerfield
salon	My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. -Rodney Dangerfield
salon	Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. -Rodney Dangerfield
salon	At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. -George Carlin
salon	Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. -George Carlin
salon	When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? -George Carlin
salon	Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. -Robert Benchley
salon	I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance. -James Thurber
salon	I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. -Joan Rivers
salon	Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. -P J O'Rourke
salon	Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. -P J O'Rourke
salon	Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -P J O'Rourke
salon	I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid. -P J O'Rourke
salon	If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography. -P J O'Rourke
salon	Never wear anything that panics the cat. -P J O'Rourke
salon	The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? -P J O'Rourke
salon	The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. -P J O'Rourke
salon	You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. P J O'Rourke
humanbeing	The earth does not think and does not care what people think, but it gives and takes with undeviating justice, and it remembers. J. Frank Dobie
salon	He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs. ~Torvald Gahlin
salon	There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. ~Jerry Seinfeld
salon	The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown
salon	Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. ~Author Unknown
salon	If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. ~Elbert Hubbard
salon	"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter"-John Gotti
salon	Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.-Jim Murray
salon	A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken-James Dent
salon	Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability-Sam Keen
salon	Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it? Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.-Airplane!
salon	American isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, 'You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating, at the top of his lungs, that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free, the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising right to burn that flag in protest.' Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free-Andrew Shepherd
salon	The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. -Ellen Parr
salon	Only barbarians are not curious about where they come from, how they came to be where they are, where they appear to be going, whether they wish to go there, and if so, why, and if not, why not.-Isaiah Berlin
salon	This I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual. -John Steinbeck
salon	There's no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day -Alexander Woolcott
salon	I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. -Chang Tzu
salon	The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion; and so let all young persons take their choice.-Thackery
salon	"London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years."-Oscar Wilde
salon	It was an ideal spring day, a light blue sky, flecked with little fleecy white clouds drifting across from west to east. The sun was shining very brightly, and yet there was an exhilarating nip in the air, which set an edge to a man's energy.-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
salon	She was truest to them in the season of trial, as all the quietly loyal and good will always be.-Charles Dickens
salon	He woke at half-past two, an hour which long experience had taught him brings panic intensity to all awkward thoughts. Experience had also taught him that a further waking at the proper hour of eight showed the folly of such panic.-John Galsworthy
salon	"He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument."-Shakespeare
salon	"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."-Oscar Wilde
salon	No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes-Anonymous
salon	It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.-Sally Kempton
salon	Oh, the summer night Has a smile of light And she sits on a sapphire throne.-B W Proctor
salon	Speech is civilization itself.-Thomas Mann
salon	The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment-Dorothy Nevill
salon	That is the happiest conversation where there is no competition, no vanity, but a calm quiet interchange of sentiments.-Samuel Johnson
salon	While the right to talk may be the beginning of freedom, the necessity of listening is what makes the right important.-Walter Lippman
salon	Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.-Karl Menninger
salon	Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.-William Hazlitt
salon	Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.-Edward Gibbon
salon	The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.-J Joseph Cossman
salon	Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.-Anonymous
salon	Father giving advice to son: Never do anything once around the house that you don't want to do for the rest of your life.-frank Briggs
salon	When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."-Anon
salon	Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.-Anonymous
salon	It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.” – Upton Sinclair
salon	Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time-Albert Camus